I miraculously succeeded in baking bread today.

To me, that is a huge milestone achieved, with regards to my lack of culinary skills in the kitchen.  On top of that, that was the one thing I had mentally categorized as a task that only REAL home makers can succeed.  Today, I crossed over and entered that zone.

I am still in shock.

Okay. I think I can move on.

So, over a month has gone by and I'm still married.  And yes, we are still in love.
I went through a bout of mixed emotions and struggled with aimless despair as we got settled in and life adjustments was setting in.  It feels like immigration paperwork was never ending.  The long hiatus of my pharmacy career still showed no silver lining.  The ward we are in is overwhelmingly large that I feel like we were just another speck in a bucket of sand.  I itched badly for some photography project.
On top of all that, I desperately want to know, what is the next step?  Every where I searched and turn, gave no clear direction as to what I must do next.

I am amazed at women who look towards the wedded life in being a home maker and truly embrace motherhood.  I have talked to those who had admitted it is their innermost desire from an early age.  Then there is me, who feels like I'm rotting away just sitting at home and ashamed that I am doing "nothing."

Something was wrong with me, or so I thought.  That is until Clifford pointed out that we all grew up with different backgrounds along with various set of values.  A value that is important to one may not be as important to another.  Things that I held high value of importance for are just as important as the things I feel were "nothing."  So, day after day, I chugged along and do what I can and took every thing one day at a time.  And when the time calls for it, Clifford is there to comfort and remind me of what mattered most.

He is my Chloride to my Sodium.  NaCl.  A comparison that was used by Pierre Currie, who was trying his best to explain how he felt in the most scientific romantic way he could possibly do in the old classic, "Madam Curie."

"I find it impossible for you to leave Paris.  I am kind of nervous and impatient, you are a clear mind, tenacious, never give up, it is an excellent combination.  I might compare it to the formula NaCl.  Sodium chloride.  It is a stable necessary compound.  So if we marry on this basis our marriage will always be the same, the temperature is the same, the composition will be the same, no distraction, no fluctuation, none of the uncertainties.." 

....In our case it will be a wonderful collaboration, A WONDERFUL COLLABORATION."

I admire Madam Curie.  I think about all the successful people in the world and how they succeed.  Most of which starts with an extreme obsession over whatever it is they do.  The obsession was so intense that they eat, sleep, talk was mainly about that one thing.  It is so strong that nothing seemed to be able to slow them down nor discourage them.

I need to find my obsession.  Clifford is definitely, one of my many. ;)

P/s: I got my photography itch scratched. Check out my latest project here.


  1. You will be fine. Stay close to your Heavenly Father and you wouldn't go wrong. AND you have got a special guy there. Great pictures of Felix and his family. Love it.


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